The standards we will discuss today are meant to give women a proper idea of what kind of man to look for and what kind of man to turn down. It seems only fair to ask your potential partner what kind of woman are they looking for in their own Christian singlehood.
Of course, every principle outlined here for men (all based on Psalm 112) is just as applicable to women. Every single value and character trait we look for in someone should be equally present in ourselves.
In fact, it is neither wise nor realistic to expect a godly man to pursue us when we, as women, are not living up to the same expectations. It is with that in mind that I want you to read this post.
Religious men are looking for confident women
Previously, we briefly debated what true confidence is. It is an inner assurance of who we are and what we are doing in this world. It is a sense of purpose to goes way beyond outward appearance or personal achievement.
It naturally comes from a heart that resides in God. This special type of confidence, which is self-assurance, without the need to rely on other people for affirmation, is the most attractive to religious men.
While everyone struggles with insecurity, a lady should know who they are in Christ and find full security in that. Not second-guessing their relationships (with Jesus and with other people), wishing they were someone else than who they are, constantly wondering what others think of them. Again, as Christians, we should feel and be secure in who we are.
One of the most unattractive traits of a woman is her quietness/timidity. She also has to be full of grace, knowing what she wants and how she will get it done. Here, a very important topic is brought up.
One of the misconceptions related to biblical submission is that the husband has full, totalitarian control, and the wife silently submits to his leadership. Well, this is not what Paul was describing.
Moreover, this type of “submission” isn’t, in fact, submission, since marriage is described as a team effort with two parties who have merged into one. A woman who never gives her advice or questions her husband is not helping him. She is hindering him.
Religious men respect honesty
Honesty was by far one of the top qualities in the responses offered by interviewees. Since we, as women, don’t want to “hurt” the men we date, we also color the truth during breakups, or at least try to let a guy down easily when he would rather just find out the truth.
However, honesty goes beyond breakups. It’s really important not to play “hard to get.” It is also alright to be on guard, but don’t try to pretend you don’t like someone if you are actually quite interested in them.
Try to be as straight-up as possible and articulate that to him, especially if he approaches you about it. Also, you shouldn’t be a “yes girl,” either. More often than not, the casual head nod followed by an affirming “that’s so true” regarding matters that are somehow obvious might come off as unattractive.
There’s a difference between an honest agreement and a flippant “agreement,” which shows that you are NOT working as a team because you’re not sharpening each other. If you truly agree, amazing. If not, try to sharpen him or express your disagreement and ask him to sharpen you.
Religious men look for a balanced approach to life and work
Your social culture greatly determines your stance on marriage. In more conservative circles, there’s a dooming temptation to view marriage as an idol and a husband as the rescuer from real life.
It seems that it’s never about tapping into your potential as a woman in this world. Secular culture mainly advertises the exact opposite, which is disdain (resulting in delay) for marriage and almost obsession with one’s career.
Neither career nor marriage should be idolized in a woman’s heart. The guys we discussed with gave us a few examples. For instance, planning on only being a stay-at-home mom and using your college life to find a husband isn’t something men want to see in someone.
Of course, if you feel that that’s what your heart desires, this is a completely different matter. But don’t do it just to fit a label. What I am truly looking for is someone who’s always on a quest to find herself.
Religious men look for women who are self-controlled
Self-control is the fruit of God’s spirit and his work in our hearts. The same as we expect our men to be self-controlled in their desires, their eyes, and their spiritual lives, we need to seek self-control in our own areas of weakness.
For many women out there, self-control becomes a struggle in social media, in the physical standards of dating relationships, as well as their communication with potential-to-current boyfriends.
All these areas are struggles for men, but whether it is about men or women, a lack of self-control is definitely sourced in idolatry and insecurity. Idolatry says “I need this right NOW,” destroying self-control. Insecurity says “Who God says I am isn’t enough” and destroys yet again our self-control, but from another angle.
Religious men aren’t impressed with vanity. What they want is a life of discipline
Well, the subject of appearance is definitely “the elephant in the room.” Do religious men consider appearance when they are looking for a spouse? To a certain extent, they do, in the same way we do.
Even if men are visual, women in today’s culture have grown quite “visual,” too. Every person has some traits that are more attractive to them than others. As appearance should be one of the lowest requirements on this list, how a man and a woman present him or herself makes an important statement about who they are.
In other words, religious men are by far more concerned with the state of a woman’s heart than the makeup on her face. That being said, a man who takes care of his “temple” leads a healthier lifestyle.
This also means that he will be interested in looking for someone with the same level of appreciation for her body and the discipline it takes.
Religious men don’t want to be a woman’s “savior”
Probably the most important point made was this: that a woman who loves Christ above everything else is by far the most attractive woman in their eyes. A woman who’s desperately looking for a relationship is needy for marriage and dependent on a man for validation is making her man a savior.
This is a role no man should ever fill. Unfortunately, some people have twisted the idea of a healthy partnership into a dependency that extends before marriage into the courtship and dating stage.
The “damsel in distress” model of courtship is mainly used by our culture as a burning effigy for any Christian relationship. However, the Bible never described women as weak or depending, constantly needing a man to be effective for Jesus.
The women of God in the Old and New Testaments were very strong women. Their confidence in God made them even stronger and more influential, in a culture filled by marginalized women
If you found this article useful, we also recommend checking: 6 Ways to Turn Disappointments into Faithful Lessons
